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OJ287
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 6th, 2010|12:29 am] |
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I thus far haven't done dope since my birthday, so that's a great thing. I got over my last painful withdrawals the day before my birthday. I don't know what it is, but I feel like my withdrawals have been getting worse as my addiction has progressed. Since being in college, I have still been on dope on and off, with 1-2 week opiate or benzo binges with a following recovery and smoking week or two. It's been a crazy roller coaster, but I've still managed to achieve As on exams and do what I need to in the meantime. I've met SO many great people.. On November 1st, I counted 40 something contacts from Western. It's probably around 50 now, and I can't get enough. :] I LOVE COLLEGE. |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 4th, 2010|10:25 am] |
"You are a wonderful creation. You know more than you think you know, just as you know less than you want to know." -Oscar Wilde
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." -Mark Twain
"Make each day your masterpiece"
"You start with a blank page... you start out with nothing there. All you have to do is visualize it and if you believe it's there, it's there. I think that's what keeps you young, always being in deep water, and not becoming complacent." -Quincy Jones |
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| (no subject) |
[Sep. 30th, 2010|12:49 am] |
The past month has been awesome. I've established an awesome friends group, done well and have attended all my classes, and over a series of epiphanies, decided to change my major to Public Relations. I got off of 3 people's shit lists and have been doing my best to be a responsible, mature adult. I've grown a lot this month.
Last week sometime I woke up feeling just amazing. I thought about my life and all of the great things I have going for me. I eat at the cafeteria 1-3 times without a meal plan; just the most amazing, generous friends. Whenever I need a place to crash, there are always people who have my back. And I remember back in Farmington, it was pretty much the same.. I have such supportive people around me, I really owe them the world.
One of my epiphanies was Saturday night.. I went out to party with a whole bunch of Bigelow peeps and had an awesome time, but somehow I left my coat/hoodie/KEYS at this apartment so I was stranded without keys outside of Bigelow, layin down at the table. So, these kids walk by and see me laying there so they let me inside and chilled with me till my people brought me back my keys. It was awesome.. people I don't even know were totally looking out for me when I needed it. People are good!
Another epiphany I had was Tuesday in my Business Enterprise class. I hate that class so much... I hate the environment, the teacher's tone, the homework style, the subject matter, ALL OF IT! So I was bitching to the kid next to me, all sleepy and tired at 9am, and he after telling him about what I am actually passionate about, he suggested I look into Communications. I couldn't keep my mind off it the whole class. I HATE business, but I want a universal degree I can get a job with! So, after class I researched Communications, and today (one day later) I met with two academic counselors and now have my classes planned out until Spring 2013 for my PUBLIC RELATIONS major! Yay:)
So, overall, things are great. I'm still bringin in the money and livin' it up! Things are going great!:) |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 30th, 2010|05:08 am] |
| [ | Moodz |
| |  relaxed | ] |
| [ | Musicz |
| | string cheese incident | ] |
my body is sinking into an undertow of relaxation. tomorrow is my move-in day to western and I should really sleep, but it's difficult with so many dynamic emotions running through my tranquil actuality. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 6th, 2010|03:34 am] |
I just got back from a 6 day, 5 night retreat to Kalamazoo. I stayed with Stu and had an amazing time. We did a lotta different stuff and I fall more for him every day. I'm so glad we started talking again this summer. He's a really positive influence on me, in a matter similar to but even more positive, exclusive and special than my relationships with North people. I almost don't understand how someone could tolerate all the bullshit I'm tied to and actually want to be with me, but regardless, I'm grateful as hell to have someone like him. I'm really trying to mature and drop all of the bad habits I have developed in Farmington over the past 8 years. In college I'm going to:- Refrain from doing any drugs besides weed (which I'd never quit)
- Maintain 3.5gpa minimum
- Be more mature/"Be the bigger person" ..didn't do so well as my New Years resolution the first half of this year, but there's still 5 months left to work on this.
- Free myself from any kind of constrains I placed upon myself in high school!
- Unclutter my living space and my life
Plus much more. But yeah, things are going great. I'm stoked for school to start. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 16th, 2010|02:39 pm] |
A lot has changed! I took a long much needed vacation, and now I have been working all week and hangin out in Farmington. 3 days at Western, 4 days in the U.P, 3 days at my dad's Lake Michigan lakehouse, 2 days at a State Park Campground off Lake Michigan, then 3 days at Western. Things have been awesome for me. I started chillen with Stu again. I just always get positive vibes off him, and he's doing really well and is a fun person to be around. Also, JESSIE MOVED TO VIRGINIA. I feel like I'm gonna be the loneliest person on earth for the next 3/4 weeks I'm here. :/
But yeah, shit is good on many levels. I'm content. |
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| Writer's Block: Nature v. nurture |
[Jun. 6th, 2010|01:41 am] |
I think there is a 15% weight of genetic factors and 85% weight of environmental factors. I have little belief that our personality was in-ground within us at birth. I believe only 15% of my personality factors I have retained since a child were directly donated by my Mother and Father, of which I believe they contributed my advanced English comprehension, love for music, appreciation of the fine arts, and others. The other 80% I am composed of was molded my environment, experiences and history. As a young child I remember identifying with cartoons on TV and forming many cartoon idols; as young as kindergarden, I remember admiring certain others for particular traits I respected and wanted within myself. If I were not raised in the same homes, living in the same neighborhoods, attending the same schools and watching the exact same TV programs, I would be a completely different person. Each frame of life that my eyes have witnessed has internally affected me. My experiences have made me the woman I am today. I had always admired daringness, intelligence and "living on the edge", and that is where I set my goals. Now, at the ripe age of 18, it is exactly where I have come to be.
Nurture > Nature . |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 1st, 2010|03:09 pm] |
I think attending Western is just a preface to my eventual movement Westward. I never thought of it till now, but the historical concepts of Westernism and Manifest Destiny are felt deep within me. I crave the excitement, mystery, surprises, freedom and bliss intertwined with the west, and I really hope that by my sophomore year in college to be living as far west as possible; California.
On the superficial level, DEMF was amazing. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 8th, 2010|01:20 am] |
I really miss Nick. I hate him for all that he's done to me, but I still have a void in my life I am unsure will ever be fulfilled. I fucking hate him though.
I've been spending a lot of time alone. I don't know if I'm just isolating myself, less people want to chill with me, or just environmental factors. Maybe I'm not reaching out. I don't know dude, but I'm not happy with how shit is now. |
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